The above advert on TV actually made me cry a couple of days ago. In part because I actually do tend to cry when I see happy stories and cool successful people. In part because I desperately want to figure out what I’m meant to be doing and be good at it. So first I felt rubbish and hugely demotivated, shortly followed by feeling utterly ridiculous for letting a flipping advert get me emotional!
I think a lot of this comes down to the fact I haven’t actually sat at my desk to create anything for over a month. Birmingham was meant to give me a ton of time to create, be inspired, and see where I could go with it but instead my mind seems to have dried up. Whereas my big aim was to complete a PhD in Art & Theology, not having a topic to write on tends to cause a problem. Then I took on a job, which has been really good for me, but is currently the only way I use any artistic skill at the minute, and that is mainly minor publicity and letterheads. It’s great to have designed some websites but it’s hardly the hands on stuff I love so much.
The other issue is that, unlike some amazing contemporaries around me like Gillian Gamble, By Charlie’s Hand, and now a fellow St Andrews‘ Graduate Sarah Harkin, I don’t feel like I have a particular style. I jump in and out of styles like puddles on a rainy day. I never stick to one look for long and I think that tends to mean I don’t grow within myself either. I’m not sure I have a style.. I just have the stuff I do. Most of the time I’m not happy with that either.
Part of me is jealous of the above names, part of me wishes I could do that, part of me wonders if I’ll ever get to. It’s a difficult balance to strike in life. There are responsibilities I have, and things I love, but I’m missing art and I worry that the lack of it in my life is a little soul-destroying.
Then I’m reminded of an image I posted via Twitter (@EKMCronin) a long time ago:
I know it would be stupid to give up. It’s also stupid to just wait until some unknown time when life is settled and Bear & I live comfortably in a house containing a beautiful art studio. That’s just ridiculous. So I am putting myself through a challenge to create something once a day (reminiscent of Gillian Gamble’s own amazing challenge). Hopefully this will increase my motivation and keep me going, even when things are tough.
So for the next month, I will be creating something (God knows what.. at least I hope He does) and posting it on my Facebook page (facebook.com/EKMCroninArt) and on here. If you have any inspiration or ideas, do throw them my way.