Be warned: your life changes in all sorts of ways when you have a child, but before you get too scared I thought I’d share some funny and strange things about being a parent that I’ve noticed over the last month.
Referring to yourself as food
This is only really relevant for nursing mothers but I bet you can imagine why this is weird anyway. It gets even weirder (and rather scary) when your child gives you a happy “Mmmmm CAKE!”-equivalent look just before her gums snap down..
Giving someone a name
Although I’ve had plenty of pets, I am still getting use to my child’s name (her real one rather than social-media term “Cub”). It seems strange to label her with something she will always have, and already has meaning, connotations and belongs completely to her.
Funny accidental wet kiss moments
So far the funniest moment has been when my dear little Cub swung her head forward mouth wide open and planted a giant wet accidental kiss* on my nose, then looked very confused. You had to be there I guess…
Sleep giggles from your child
Having not started speaking yet, I can only enjoy the little communication noises I receive at strange times. When she doesn’t even know she’s making little giggles it is fascinating… and frustrating – what exactly is she dreaming about?!
Proud looks from your baby when…
After a number of long (and wet-sounding) confetti noises** from below, Cub looked remarkably pleased with herself which was hilarious and adorable simultaneously. She was then passed to her Dad. I make no apology.
The collection of nicknames for your child
So far they have included: Baby Burrito, Froglet, Fish, Old-man-face, Gollum, Shark-attack, Jaws, and so many more. I realise that most of these sound mean, my only excuse is that they tend to relate to faces she’s pulling when over-tired or hungry, and I still think she is extremely beautiful.
Time speeds up
I started compiling this list when she’d just turned one week old, which was scary and strange. Cub is now just over one MONTH old. She is already pushing herself up off her hands and has scary power in her legs (normally found kicking Mama). I’ll be sending her to University soon! ARGH!
Also, I used to reward myself with the term “Superwife” whenever I felt like I had been particularly productive over a day. More recently I have been rewarding myself with the term “Supermama” if I get more than one load of laundry done (even if that means I’m half-dressed, unwashed, and have only eaten crisps). I’m getting better at managing my time but my productivity may never be the same again.
Loving someone you barely know
I find this one the strangest to explain. Normally you love your friends and family because of who they are; even pets win you over with their personality. Currently Cub has very little solid personality but I cried when Mum first “gave me a break” and took her away from me for an hour. I worry about her all the time. I have nightmares about dropping her whilst I’m still awake. I adore this little bundle of bones and podge that cries to communicate everything.
Mama Bear gets mad
Although I have always been a little fierce around certain issues, Bear has never had to deal with so much anger at the little things I feel might one day affect Cub adversely. Whether it’s someone stereotyping my child already, or society assuming her favourite colour, or just someone joking about the bad stuff they plan to teach her, you can bet I will get mad. I hope this calms down a little and I’m sure Cub will also stand up for herself when required, but still. You don’t mess with a Mama Bear’s Cub!
You would swap gold for sleep
We are lucky: Cub has slept in at least 4 hour blocks almost since birth, and more recently for approx. 7 hours overnight. I never imagined I would be celebrating getting that amount of sleep but I do. If it magically increases to 9 hours I may take her to Disney as a reward***! (Mainly joking)
I’m sure there will be more in the months ahead, but why not add some of your own in the comments?
* Personally this validates the original lyrics to David Crowder’s How He Loves worship song, because personally I loved it and am completely fine having wet baby kisses from God if He wants to give me one. Especially if He’s as cute as my little girl (whole other debate right there!)
** I have promised my sister to stop talking about poop (which with baby and puppy is more difficult than it sounds!) so it is being replaced by “confetti”.
*** Although my sister would suggest this was cruel because she wouldn’t remember it…